Scared??? Most Definitely.

Fact. We all have to grow up.
Fact. We all have to leave our parents behind and move on in our lives.
Fact. College isn't the end of the road, it's just the beginning.
Fact. We get so wrapped up in what we are doing at school that we forget that there is indeed life after school.
Fact. I have never felt so unprepared.
Fact. I have never been so excited.


School is almost over. I am almost walking across the stage in a cap and gown and getting a diploma. I almost have a degree. I have had my senior recital. I have written huge papers. I have had finals and projects. I have earned a degree. I am almost done. I am almost done with school. I am just about to be shoved out into the real world. And I am scared out of my mind.

I feel like this should be one of those Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. "Hi. My name is Rachelle and I am a college graduate" (a chorus of mundane "Hi Rachelles" echo). "I am almost done with school and now have to make a living. I have to be a responsible adult". Wow. Where has the time gone. It feels like I was just having my highschool graduation party with tons of friends and family gathered around while I opened presents and cards. It feels like I was just taking my "senior trip" to NYC to see Phantom with Heather over the summer. It feels like I was just at music camp getting ready for college. It feels like I was just in Target picking out all my matching sheets and bedspread to coordinate with my matching trash can, plates, cups, pillow, blanket, and yes, even the matching dry erase board with matching magnets. It feels like Kathleen and I were just getting our dorm room ready and realizing that we had way too much stuff. And here I am. Living in an apartment, working, taking a class, and getting ready for graduation. I don't think a word has ever been so exciting yet so ominous at the same time. Graduation. The efforts of four, maybe even five years of hard work and dedication. Yet. The point in a 21/22 year old's life where they finally realize, "this is it". I don't have anyone making sure I'm in my dorm room by 12 PM. I don't have someone making sure I'm not watching R rated movies. I don't have someone making sure I'm not drinking or smoking. I don't have someone to be responsible for me. That is now all on me.

It's scary. It's so scary to think I am on my own. Up to this point, I have been so blessed with the fact that someone else is paying for all this. But now, I have to pay rent. I have to buy groceries. I have to pay car insurance. I have to figure all that stuff out. It's scary!

I have to make a decision and it scares the heck out of me. I have an opportunity to have a ridiculously amazing job. Seriously. It can't get much better. 2-9 PM. Teaching students how to play piano. Being a guide to them. Helping them master something so amazing and beautiful. It's a dream job. Working at a conservatory doing something so freaking amazing. I can't even believe it. But it means moving to a brand new city. Saying goodbye to all my friends. Finding a new apartment. Understanding the fact that I am committing to this job for over a year. I can't back out. It's not just a summer job where, it's okay if I hate it because I'm only there for the summer. Nope. 14 months. Definite. Set in stone. No changing my mind. 14 months. Away from friends and family. No fall breaks or Christmas breaks. No spring breaks or going home for the weekend just because I can. 14 months. It sounds amazing but so scary. Moving somewhere where I am not familiar. Moving somewhere that is just as far away from home. I am out of my comfort zone. I can't just call my friends up to come over because I'm lonely. I can't go to the church that I fell in love with here at school. I can't walk to campus just to be around the students. This is it.


There are so many cons to this situation, but I also have to think of the amazing pros. This is a dream job. This is my degree. I can use my talents and gifts. This can help me pursue my even bigger dream of music therapy. It's scary, but it's amazing. It's unpredictable. It's not an office job where I am sitting at a desk in front of the computer, answering the phones and doing other office related things. It's amazing. It's exciting. It's scary. I think that every emotion is provoked by this right now.

All I can do is pray. I have a decision to make. A scary, life-altering decision. An amazing opportunity.

I have never been so ready and so unprepared, so excited and scared, so happy and so sad, so amazed, yet so frustrated. This is life, and I am ready to get out there in the real world. I am ready and excited for what God has in store.


This is the best answer that I have for when someone asks, "So what are you doing after graduation?"

Whatever God wants me to do.




Peace.